SAM! ARRRRRGH!
by nevergone4ever
Summary: Carly and Sam are shopping when Sam gets a little tricky and decides to bring a nerd closer to Carly... Against her will. LOL, not even fluff here.


"Do you think he'll like this?"

Those were the words that came out of Carly Shay's mouth as she held up a stripey grey and yellow dress that was knee-length. She was searching for the perfect dress that would be worn to a date with her new boyfriend, Landon.

"I dunno, maybe, maybe not." Sam sighed. "Carls, why do we have to go through all this? You know I only like shopping for assorted meats and new guys for my mom."

Carly looked exasperatedly at her best friend, who scowled at her. "Because," she said pointedly and tiredly. "Landon is special. He's not like Griffin with the freaky animals or… Gibby…"

Sam smiled. "Ah, the Gibster," she teased her friend, referring to the time Carly briefly went out with Gibby on a triple date. "I hated his best friend."

"Freddie was in heaven, though," Carly giggled as she pawed through a rack of sequined flapper-style dresses. "To him, Shannon was… hot."

Hot. Carly hated that word when referred to girls. Hardly anyone ever referred to her as hot, why should she enjoy it pasted on a plastic-pretty girl like Shannon?

"Yeah…" Sam bit her cheek as she nodded into the distance. "Hey, Carls. See that fool over there?"

Carly followed Sam's finger to a curly-haired, pale guy with huge brown glasses who was searching through girl slacks. "Yeah…"

"Watch and learn from Momma," Sam grinned as Carly began to protest. "Hush, hush, little cupcake."

She sashayed, looking at the ground, then casually bumped into the nerd. "Oh, dear, pardon me," the boy said, hungrily staring at Sam. Her pretty face contorted into a red one.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE TRIPPIN', DIPWAD!" Sam yelled at him. He shrank back, covering his face with the seat of some khakis.

"Oh, p-p-pardon me," he stammered, his forehead becoming a mass of wrinkly skin.

"You are not pardoned!" Sam shot back, and Carly started walking over to her in an attempt to make her stop being mean to… Nerdy.

"Sorry, uh, sir– I mean madam?– no, um… dude," Carly finished. The boy brightened.

"No, no, trouble's all mine!" he said excitedly. "Would you care to go out to lunch with my mommy and I? Mommy– _mother_," he added quickly, "will pay."

Sam began laughing her head off as Carly, pale-faced, began sputtering why she couldn't go. "I have a boy– dog– brother– dad–" she caught Sam chuckling and mouthed out, "Help me!"

"She'd love to go!" The blonde giggled like an idiot. "Man, she's been waiting for this since her fourth birthday! Her princess wish was to find a handsome nerd– I mean prince in a shopping mall looking for lady pants!"

Carly let out an angry breath as the nerd took her hand and began trotting to the food court.

"Most people don't understand me very well," he said apologetically as they sat down. "They think I'm vertically challenged, overly mathematical, and quite tremendously– codgerly!"

"Ooh. Codgers. Don't you mean badgers?" asked Carly. The boy only shook his head.

"Mother! This is my girlfriend," said the boy, waving down a woman. Carly shook her head frantically.

"No, no, just stopping by," she said nervously. "Just met him…. A minute ago…"

After a horrifying lunch of sardine pizza and salty soup, Carly walked over by Sam, who was trying on hats at the hat shop and staring at the hot boy manning the counter.

"Sam!" Carly hissed as Sam put a sunhat back on a mannequin head.

"Yes, Carls?" Sam asked, rather innocently. "Just been, eh, eyeing up the boy candy over there. I think moi and him would be match made in heaven."

"No! You would be a match with that boy I just met!" Carly hissed at her angrily. "I spent a good hour listening to him complain about his toenail infection! I was forced to eat sardine pizza!" She began to cry. Sam took her to a bench, where Carly lay her head on Sam's lap.

"There, there, Carls," Sam said as she stroked Carly's brown hair. "We'll be OK."

Just then, a handsome blonde boy strode up to them angrily. Carly gasped. "Landon? What are you—"

"Shopping for a new pair of shoes to wear tonight. On our _date_," Landon growled at her. "The date that's not gonna happen, thanks to Shay's boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?! You're my boyfriend!" Carly said, startled.

"What about Nerd Boy over there with his mummy, waving good-bye?" Landon pointed to the now very happy nerd, who was at the food court doors.

"It was never anything between us, Landon," Carly begged him with her eyes. "He dragged me there and I ate sardines on pizza."

Landon glared. "No wonder your breath smells like a skunk bag, Shay," he said, walking away.

"Wait! Landon!" Carly called after him. He turned. "What?"

"Is the date still on?" she asked, voice cracking.

Landon scowled. "What do you think?"

Carly tried to smile. "Yes?"


End file.
